October 14, 2013. The date we officially became a "waiting family" with Adoption Network Law Center (ANLC). This is the agency we chose. I did the research, talked to the ladies and had a good feeling. We were referred to them from another reputable agency, our local attorney had worked with them several times, so we felt comfortable in our choice. As time went on, we would not feel this way, but more on that later.
ANLC has their own media department that puts your profile together and gets it out to expectant moms based on what they are looking for. They have your profile on different websites, different social media, etc. The main profile is one that we are given access to check on. We can see how many people visited our page. With that being said, that had become my new obsession. Everyday, and probably more like multiple times a day, I would check to see how many people visited us. I gave this website to NO ONE, because I wanted to know legit numbers, not friends and family who were snooping on our profile. Obsession, see? Then it became a source of depression for me. Each visit, in my head, was some expectant mother who didn't like us. Everyday, I would tell my husband "well, 20 people don't like us", "well, 32 people don't like us", "49 people don't like us! Why? Are we too old?" I remember calling my mom on November 3, 2013 and crying because 49 people didn't like us. I just knew we were never going to be chosen. She listened to me and I will never forget the next thing she said. "Just watch, it will be the 50th person that loves you!" Twenty four hours later, we got "The Call!" November 4, 2013 at 7:03pm, my phone rang. I don't know why I answered it as it came up "No Caller ID". I heard a sweet little voice on the phone saying she was from our agency and if I could get my husband on speaker phone, she had some great news. We perched ourselves our chairs and she told us all about our sweet baby. Sarah, an expectant mother, had chosen us to love her little boy due Jan. 2014. We were thrilled, yet shocked, yet nervous. We talked to Sarah on the phone later that night. She was very quiet and explained her reasoning for making an adoption plan. She asked us about our holiday traditions, our family, our older children and many more things. It felt right. The conversation lasted for an hour. We exchanged numbers. Our agency stated she didn't want a lot of communication, but maybe a once a week phone call or text. We could definitely respect that.
Days went on and we were frantically trying to get through the holidays, knowing our baby boy could be born as soon as the holidays were over. Sarah was to go to a doctor's appt in December and she said she would be sending us an ultrasound photo. She said she was ready to be done being pregnant and couldn't wait until February 4th to have this baby. What? February? We were told January 6th. I called our agency and they "overlooked" the due date and thought it was January. Oops! Ooops? I'm not going to lie, my heart dropped a little as I was getting very excited. I mean, we had already made it "Facebook official", so January needed to be the date! But we did get the ultrasound picture, and boy, was he precious.
ANLC has their own media department that puts your profile together and gets it out to expectant moms based on what they are looking for. They have your profile on different websites, different social media, etc. The main profile is one that we are given access to check on. We can see how many people visited our page. With that being said, that had become my new obsession. Everyday, and probably more like multiple times a day, I would check to see how many people visited us. I gave this website to NO ONE, because I wanted to know legit numbers, not friends and family who were snooping on our profile. Obsession, see? Then it became a source of depression for me. Each visit, in my head, was some expectant mother who didn't like us. Everyday, I would tell my husband "well, 20 people don't like us", "well, 32 people don't like us", "49 people don't like us! Why? Are we too old?" I remember calling my mom on November 3, 2013 and crying because 49 people didn't like us. I just knew we were never going to be chosen. She listened to me and I will never forget the next thing she said. "Just watch, it will be the 50th person that loves you!" Twenty four hours later, we got "The Call!" November 4, 2013 at 7:03pm, my phone rang. I don't know why I answered it as it came up "No Caller ID". I heard a sweet little voice on the phone saying she was from our agency and if I could get my husband on speaker phone, she had some great news. We perched ourselves our chairs and she told us all about our sweet baby. Sarah, an expectant mother, had chosen us to love her little boy due Jan. 2014. We were thrilled, yet shocked, yet nervous. We talked to Sarah on the phone later that night. She was very quiet and explained her reasoning for making an adoption plan. She asked us about our holiday traditions, our family, our older children and many more things. It felt right. The conversation lasted for an hour. We exchanged numbers. Our agency stated she didn't want a lot of communication, but maybe a once a week phone call or text. We could definitely respect that.
Days went on and we were frantically trying to get through the holidays, knowing our baby boy could be born as soon as the holidays were over. Sarah was to go to a doctor's appt in December and she said she would be sending us an ultrasound photo. She said she was ready to be done being pregnant and couldn't wait until February 4th to have this baby. What? February? We were told January 6th. I called our agency and they "overlooked" the due date and thought it was January. Oops! Ooops? I'm not going to lie, my heart dropped a little as I was getting very excited. I mean, we had already made it "Facebook official", so January needed to be the date! But we did get the ultrasound picture, and boy, was he precious.
January went on as normal. And Sarah and I became close. She would talk to me about her problems, her other children. She would ask for advice on boys and jobs. In a way, I considered her my daughter. I was very protective over her. She had stated she had not seen or heard from the baby's father since she told him she was pregnant. He didn't want another child. He already had 5 that he wasn't helping parent. She wanted better for this baby than she knew she could do. She would end our weekly conversations with "Thank you for loving me and your baby." My pleasure, Sarah, my pleasure.
January 20th, another day I will never forget. Two weeks away from meeting our baby. I get a call at work from our agency. I just knew it was them telling me Sarah was in labor. The conversation started with "Now, Jami, don't be alarmed...yet, but there may be a problem with the birth father." Um, what? You found him? They had not been able to locate him previously. Apparently he waltzed back into Sarah's life. She informed him of the adoption plan and he said he didn't know if he would consent. The agency told me they were going to be talking to him and they would get back to me. But knowing this information, if he didn't relinquish his right before the baby was born, he would then have 30 days to decide after the baby was born.
I spoke with Sarah that night and she was an emotional mess. She told me she didn't want to parent this baby. This wasn't her baby, it was ours. She then told me that the father told her that he wasn't sure if he was going to sign. He told her he didn't want to parent, he wanted her to be "stuck" with the baby. But he would take his time to decide. He was just being difficult.
Our agency called me the next day and told me the laws of the state. Basically, Sarah could relinquish her rights 72 hours after he was born. If the father was not there and did not relinquish, we could take the baby home and just wait out the 30 days. In this state, they ALWAYS side with the biological father. Regardless of his past, his support during pregnancy or his support in those 30 days. A decision had to be made. We had to make the decision to bow out of this opportunity or keep going and risk having the baby taken from us within the first 30 days of his life. We talked about it, consulted our attorney and our agency. Based on other information, it was decided that it would be best to walk away. We were heartbroken.
I talked to Sarah on Feb. 10. She had her little baby boy, Dylan. She was so sad it didn't work out. We sent her a baby outfit and a little something special for her. I told her if she needs anything, please do not hesitate to call. She said, "You have done enough. You came into my life when I needed someone the most. Thank you for all you did. Dylan will always know that you saved his mom." I don't really know what she meant by that. I didn't ask. But I do know that opportunity was presented to us to not complete our family, but to help Sarah. She needed him more than we did. And he needed her.
Six months later she contacted me. We chatted. The biological father was nowhere to be found. He wasn't there for delivery and he had only come around once since he was born. But he did tell her that he would have waited until day 29 to tell us he wanted to baby back.
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