Two

If Plan A doesn’t work, there are 25 other letters. 

After our first adoption opportunity didn’t work out, we jumped right back in...and I mean jumped in with two feet! One week later we were matched again. This time Mama A lived in Florida with her grandmother and aunt and her two other children. Her grandmother was not in good health and her Aunt was slowly becoming unhealthy. 

Now, remember our first expectant Mom was  not really wanting much contact? Well, this was the complete opposite. Mama A would text me on the average 1,000 times a day. I’m not exaggerating. She was my full time job. And I have an actual job! I have never been so stressed in my life. It became a bit of an obsession. Like, her kids won a fish at a school fair and they named it Jami. You can’t make this stuff up! 

I spoke with our agency about this and their response was “well, she clearly needs someone to talk to.” Yes, I agree...and I am happy to talk to her, but this is not my job. I don’t know how to counsel her. I need advice. I need help. I’ve never felt more alone. I was getting no support from our agency. My husband was there for support, but this was new to both of us, we didn’t know how to handle this. I continued letting her text me and vent or just babble. She was desperate for friends! At one point, she said “you are my best friend.” Now, I got nervous. Nervous for how it was going to go after the adoption took place. I will have a newborn, I will not have time to text/read 1000 text. 

While we were waiting for her due date, my mother-in-law and us were talking and she said there was a lady in her Bridge club who had a granddaughter who was expecting a baby and was looking to make an adoption plan. She said “should I give them your name?” I immediately said “yes!” Greg, on the other hand, said “what? No! We have a baby due in 3 weeks!” I told her I just had a gut feeling that we needed to put our hearts out there for this one too. I mean, she is probably due in awhile so they would be about 8 months apart! The hubs and I made a deal that we would only adopt this second baby IF this Florida opportunity did not work out!

A couple days later, we met with Mama C and explained to her our situation. She was the sweetest lady. She was young, this baby was her third and due in 6 weeks.  She was interviewing other families and said she would let us know. We told her the Florida baby was due in 3 weeks, so we would know for sure then. 

After she left, my husband and I looked at each other and said “that’s not fair! Not to her, not to the other families. We need to decide now!” So we called Mama C and told her that if we were so lucky to have her choose us, we would be happy to love her child, regardless of how the other situation turned out. She started crying and said “I’m so glad. I was hoping you would say that! You are the family I want!” 

So now we had two babies coming. One in 3 weeks, one in 6! We can do this! Right? We can! 

Mama A was being induced and wanted us there. At first she said she wanted us in labor & delivery, then she wasn’t sure! Totally understandable and we are aware birth plans can change! 

We flew to Florida and waited for the call as to where she wanted us. She text and kept saying she wanted to get comfortable before we came. Excuse just started flowing. I remember it like it was yesterday. We were eating lunch at Panera across from the hospital when our agency called. She said “don’t be worried, but she is having a hard time. She really wants to go through with the adoption plan, but she wants more time.” Completely understandable! We made the decision we would not see the baby until after rights were terminated. Our hearts couldn’t handle it. So we drove around, went to Target....you know...things you do when you are expecting a baby! 

It was 4:07pm and we were sitting in a lounge eating nachos and my phone rang. “She just couldn’t do it. She gave birth to a baby boy and she has decided to parent the baby.” I fell to my knees. My husband picked me up off the floor and hugged me. We both cried. We could not believe this was happening again. We decided to get a super nice hotel for the night-we felt we deserved it. We put on the fancy, fluffy robes and ordered room service.  We cried more. I took a shower and sat there and cried. I cried harder than I ever have. Something inside of me couldn’t shake the feeling that that baby was not going to be ok. 

The next morning I received a text from Mama A saying how sorry she was but she needed to keep him so she could get more money from state aide. I cried again. She asked me if I wanted to come up to the hospital to see him. No. Just no. She then text me and asked me if she could be our surrogate. What? What is happening here?! No! Then I got a text from Mama C asking how things were going so I explained in short. She was so sad for us and let us know she was thinking about us and praying for us. 

I didn’t speak with Mama A after that. I fell into a depression. I was mourning a baby I’ve never  met. I had no motivation. My house was a mess. I gained weight.  I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was not ok. 

One year later her name popped into my head. I was in NYC with my son. We got back to the hotel and I googled her. She was arrested for murder! MURDER! She was pregnant and shot the dad for not paying for an abortion. Her three children went to separate foster homes. I pray they are ok. 

Adoption is not for the fair on heart, friends!