In October of 2016 we decided we wanted to adopt again! We both had reservations about this, but decided it would be best for Kyson to have a sibling that is closer than that 15-19 years age gap of he and the other boys! So we reluctantly signed with our previous agency due to many reasons. This time felt different. We had A LOT more requirements we wanted them to meet. I felt like I knew a little more about the adoption process, so I wanted to call the shots with them. I did have to have a "come to Jesus" talk with them. Basically, and this is what I tell anyone who is adopting....this is your life. If you are paying an agency, then you deserve to feel wanted and special. This is their JOB, but this is your LIFE. We were told they only call us if they have something to tell us. That is not okay. Call me weekly just to check in...this is a very stressful process!
Anyway, we were matched with a birth mom in December and from the get-go, I didn't have a great feeling. Something just seemed "off". I couldn't put my finger on it and was told that I was probably having "post traumatic stress" from our previous failed adoptions. Another thing I always tell people who are going through adoption....always trust your gut! This particular birth mom was from Atlanta, GA. I decided I would fly down to GA to visit with her and attend an appointment and ultrasound with her. Until the time I actually had her in my car, I did not think this was going to take place. We went to breakfast and talked about a lot of things. She was telling me about the birth dad (which she had always said she wasn't sure who the dad was), she was telling me about her other children and how she was just going to lie to them and tell them she had a stillborn. I encouraged her to not do that as her oldest daughter was 14 and probably knew what was going on. All these things didn't sit well with me. On my way home, I called the agency and told them everything and again, they blew me off. This was 27 days before she was due.
We were always told she would probably have a scheduled inductions around 38 weeks due to her previous problems with pregnancies. I kept asking her if she had a date and she would tell me "no" and it would probably be scheduled at the "next" appt. By my calculations, the inductions date should have been scheduled for around February 27th. On February 20th, her and I were texting most of the day. She had told me she was at her dr. appt. and she would hopefully be getting a date. She kept telling me how bad her back hurt and how she couldn't wait to have the baby. While she was texting me, she was also texting our agency. She was asking if her March rent would be paid anytime soon "just in case she was in the hospital when rent was due." They called me and asked me if I wanted to pay it early! Um....NO! This was a big red flag for me. I told them that if this went through then we would be in GA during that time and I would personally drive the rent to her landlord if I had too.
On February 21st, I was at work when I was emailed over her medical records from her last appointment. Normally the records come about a week after the appointment, so this was from the previous week. I was scouring those records for anything I could find. The very last line of the records (from a week ago, mind you) said "Induction scheduled". WHAAT? I immediately emailed the agency with a copy of that page and highlighted that! About an hour later they called me with the news that in my head was expecting, but in my heart, was hoping was not true! They called the hospital she was to deliver at to ask them if she had scheduled an induction date. A nurse on the other end gave out a little too much information. Birth mom had delivered a baby on February 19th and had already went home. We were crushed and angry....and more angry. We were scammed out of thousands of dollars! We kept playing her game for a couple of more days to see what she was going to say or if she was going to come clean. She never did. The agency finally outed her and she had some lavish excuse. I didn't speak with her for 5 weeks.
We were instructed to file a police report for fraud. So we did. Nothing came of it. She didn't have anything to give back. We were contacted by a local news station and a news station in GA to do a story on adoption scam. So we did. It was at that point she called me and apologized and tried to get me to believe her excuses. I did not. I was not nice to her. Should I have been? I don't know. At that time, I just couldn't. I remember ending the conversation with "I feel sorry for your little girl. She has to grow up with a mother like you." Could I have handled myself differently? Probably. I was still so angry. But I still feel that way. I think of that baby often and pray she is okay and loved. There is a lot more to the story, but that is the jist.
Our hearts were falling out of wanting to adopt again. We didn't know if we could move on. We needed to have a long talk with ourselves and decide if this is really what we wanted! We were 1 for 4 now and it wasn't feeling great. I had a long talk with our agency. They were also very nervous about how they would look in our story that had not yet aired. When they were contacted by the news stations, they would not comment. I was not happy about that. They knew that. We decided we would move forward but only give it 6 months and we DID NOT want to get to know the birth mom ahead of time. Our hearts couldn't deal. The agency told us we were not giving ourselves very good chances. We knew that.
Anyway, we were matched with a birth mom in December and from the get-go, I didn't have a great feeling. Something just seemed "off". I couldn't put my finger on it and was told that I was probably having "post traumatic stress" from our previous failed adoptions. Another thing I always tell people who are going through adoption....always trust your gut! This particular birth mom was from Atlanta, GA. I decided I would fly down to GA to visit with her and attend an appointment and ultrasound with her. Until the time I actually had her in my car, I did not think this was going to take place. We went to breakfast and talked about a lot of things. She was telling me about the birth dad (which she had always said she wasn't sure who the dad was), she was telling me about her other children and how she was just going to lie to them and tell them she had a stillborn. I encouraged her to not do that as her oldest daughter was 14 and probably knew what was going on. All these things didn't sit well with me. On my way home, I called the agency and told them everything and again, they blew me off. This was 27 days before she was due.
We were always told she would probably have a scheduled inductions around 38 weeks due to her previous problems with pregnancies. I kept asking her if she had a date and she would tell me "no" and it would probably be scheduled at the "next" appt. By my calculations, the inductions date should have been scheduled for around February 27th. On February 20th, her and I were texting most of the day. She had told me she was at her dr. appt. and she would hopefully be getting a date. She kept telling me how bad her back hurt and how she couldn't wait to have the baby. While she was texting me, she was also texting our agency. She was asking if her March rent would be paid anytime soon "just in case she was in the hospital when rent was due." They called me and asked me if I wanted to pay it early! Um....NO! This was a big red flag for me. I told them that if this went through then we would be in GA during that time and I would personally drive the rent to her landlord if I had too.
On February 21st, I was at work when I was emailed over her medical records from her last appointment. Normally the records come about a week after the appointment, so this was from the previous week. I was scouring those records for anything I could find. The very last line of the records (from a week ago, mind you) said "Induction scheduled". WHAAT? I immediately emailed the agency with a copy of that page and highlighted that! About an hour later they called me with the news that in my head was expecting, but in my heart, was hoping was not true! They called the hospital she was to deliver at to ask them if she had scheduled an induction date. A nurse on the other end gave out a little too much information. Birth mom had delivered a baby on February 19th and had already went home. We were crushed and angry....and more angry. We were scammed out of thousands of dollars! We kept playing her game for a couple of more days to see what she was going to say or if she was going to come clean. She never did. The agency finally outed her and she had some lavish excuse. I didn't speak with her for 5 weeks.
We were instructed to file a police report for fraud. So we did. Nothing came of it. She didn't have anything to give back. We were contacted by a local news station and a news station in GA to do a story on adoption scam. So we did. It was at that point she called me and apologized and tried to get me to believe her excuses. I did not. I was not nice to her. Should I have been? I don't know. At that time, I just couldn't. I remember ending the conversation with "I feel sorry for your little girl. She has to grow up with a mother like you." Could I have handled myself differently? Probably. I was still so angry. But I still feel that way. I think of that baby often and pray she is okay and loved. There is a lot more to the story, but that is the jist.
Our hearts were falling out of wanting to adopt again. We didn't know if we could move on. We needed to have a long talk with ourselves and decide if this is really what we wanted! We were 1 for 4 now and it wasn't feeling great. I had a long talk with our agency. They were also very nervous about how they would look in our story that had not yet aired. When they were contacted by the news stations, they would not comment. I was not happy about that. They knew that. We decided we would move forward but only give it 6 months and we DID NOT want to get to know the birth mom ahead of time. Our hearts couldn't deal. The agency told us we were not giving ourselves very good chances. We knew that.
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